I know she's here but where?

She has gone so far

Even so, I know she's here

She is said to have become a star

Still, I know she cares.

stretched apart in between

here and there

I know loved ones don't disappear

so I know she's still here

but I also wonder, where?

I can't feel her warmth, 

and her hands aren't caressing my hair. 

I want to hold her,

but she isn't here.

love is just not about being here

It is everlasting and exists beyond  life and death's sphere

yet she is not here.

I can't hear her

although she's in my heart

but I cannot see her anymore

I don't know when I'll see her again

and her old white hair

I'm not sure if it'll be in my next birth

 or after death up there.

I know you're here, Grandma, 

but you're not simply here.

ascetic or austere 

my soul gets nudges here and there, 

with this quiet noise that is burning inside of me,

leaving my eyes in tears

yet I'll keep going with a non-healing fright 

in agony, uncertainty, and despair

with a grin on top as a layer.

I'll go one day, 

I'm not sure where

but it will be a day of resting in peace somewhere.